


Spilled truths and loaded dices

by Shadowdianne



Series: Prompts [26]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 08:58:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3971875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowdianne/pseuds/Shadowdianne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Regina is with the others while they are in the Echo Caves in Neverland. After Emma admits to kissing Hook and still loving Neal (since the first secret wasnt good enough) Regina storms out teary eyed, thinking the'll never be good enough. Emma follows her and tries to get her to explain, but Regina won't, and Regina goes back in because they need one more secret. She tells Snow that she's in love with their daughter and that she'll never be enough, and Emma overhears and tells her the truth. by anon via tumblr</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I loved you” The words stung in a way that Regina hadn’t even thought possible. It was not only the wording but the love that was laced in the words, not strained like the first secret Emma had muttered, not full of fear like Snow had screamed, breaking the blonde’s heart in one single blow.

No, the soft admission made Regina bit her lower lip as hard as she could while focusing her eyes on the rocks in front of her, briefly wondering if she could just absorb the properties of the rock and become deaf, invisible, as the last piece of pain Emma’s admission had brought washed away from her body.

It had been both ironic and not exactly unsurprising once she had realized that she liked Emma Swan in more ways that could be understood as platonic. The woman was born to destroy her curse, to be the one who could bring everybody’s happy ending back to where they needed it. She was, in more ways than one, her undoing. Falling for her was the next logical step in her life, full of the games that fate seemed so attached to play with her.

It really didn’t matter, that’s what she had thought back in the ship, when the sea foam and mermaids hit them mercilessly, trying to make them sink. Her feelings weren’t important, Henry was and no blonde could stop her from saving him.

And still… knowing that Emma had kissed the handless wonder, the one who had purposely sold her to Greg, who had snickered at her being powerless and had in fact enjoyed her suffering was worthier than her hurt, hurt and burned her throat as quiet tears started to pile up on her tear ducts. It was something full of irony but she was tired, very tired of all of it.

She turned and walked away, not bothering to look neither at Snow or at Charming; both of them still looking at each other in a mix of guilt and anger.

She didn’t look at Hook and his insufferable smirk and neither at Emma’s voice when the blonde turned, teary eyed and realized that Regina was walking to the entrance of the caves.

She didn’t want to be there, she didn’t need to see how her heart broke in another million, hundreds of tiny pieces.

“Regina” She heard and her legs stopped, making her turn as she hated the fact that Emma always seemed to be about to say something to her but in the end remaining silent.

“What?” She barked, making the other woman look at her feet, slightly uneasy. They were at the entrance of the caves and the light from the outside made everything look a little brighter, a few rocks even glowing under the rays that Pan seemed to like so much.

Emma sucked on her lower lip and bobbed her head, almost as if she was talking with herself about something before being able to reply to Regina’s question.

“Miss Swan” Regina warned, not really sure of what she would say, not knowing if she even hold that kind of power over the blonde anymore.

Finally, after a very long minute, Emma exhaled and looked at her, her piercing eyes making Regina take a step forwards, approaching to the blonde more than what she would have liked.

“Why are you leaving?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business”

“In fact I do” The blonde replied “I’m the leader right? I need to know where you are going”

Regina raised a sculpted eyebrow and gave Emma what she hoped looked like a condescending look.

“I see” She only said, making Emma groan for a second.

“I don’t want you to be in danger here; we don’t know exactly what Pan’s whole game is about, we need to stick together”

Regina nodded, looking away, feeling how her eyes seemed to burn again.

“Are you going to tell me about that?” Emma asked after another few minutes passed and Regina was suddenly very tired and knew that she really didn’t have a lot of time left before both Charming decide to appear in front of and start throwing assumptions about Regina’s secret agenda so, when a flick of her wrist, she cleaned up her face and shook her head towards the blonde, refusing to meet her verdant stare.

“Let’s go to save your boyfriend”

“He isn’t that” The blonde whispered and Regina had that few seconds of victory before entering again on the caves, the pleading look of Neal already making her feel uneasy once again.

“We need another secret” Hook informed her with a sleazy smile “Seems you aren’t going to be able to avoid this one your Majesty”

Regina clenched her hands and, again, thought about the cruel irony that fate always seemed to have prepared for her. She knew that the Echo Caves feed from the sincerity of whatever secret they said, it didn’t only need to be true but important. That had been the reason why, she at least hoped, Emma’s first admission of her kissing Hook hadn’t actually worked.  It may be important for Emma but not enough to make her whole being tremble. And fate needed her to bare her soul, to be mocked and repudiated because of feelings that she couldn’t control.

Sighing, she looked straight at Snow and, trying to block everyone else, Charming, Hook, Neal even Emma who always appeared to be closer to her when she felt the need to be sure that she was alright, she licked her lips and said the sentence that she hadn’t been able to say in front of Emma a few minutes ago.

She was used to fate’s humor but, in that moment, she wished to be able to just kill it and be finally free of its oppression.

“I’m in love with someone important to you” She started, her mouth dry, her lips sticking against each other as she vocalized every word as rushed as she could, not quite sure if it didn’t matter if the words were barely unintelligible.

The caves trembled but didn’t move so Regina sighed and, closing her eyes she whispered the blonde’s name, almost like a prayer, the prayer of not being hated anymore that she already was.

“I’m in love with Emma and I will never be worthy. I’m another pawn one someone else’s game and what I can only do is watch how I fall for her while being played”

The caves started to move, rocks and dust muffling the gasp from both Charmings and the mockery laugh Hook displayed. Neal didn’t say anything though but his eyes were making two holes on Regina’s back and for a second the brunette allowed herself to smile a soft, tired smile. There it was, the one powerful evil queen swooning love and fidelity to the only person that could kill her.

What she didn’t expect, between the rocks and Neal’s coughs, were two strong arms circling her waist for a second as a warm and inviting voice whispered something that was rushed and yet laced with the same sincerity she had heard minutes before “I’m in love with you too and yes, Regina, you are worthy”


	2. Chapter 2

“You are worthy”

The voice had been soft, warm and had made Regina think about how she used to sneak past her parents’ bedroom and go towards the stables, her heart pounding and her lips tingling with anticipation.

However, the moment had passed and Emma’s arms had disappeared from her sides, leaving her alone and with the fear clutching her heart once again.

Destiny liked to play with loaded dices and once the echo caves were left behind Regina turned at her left and walked away from the group not even bothering to stay and listen to Snow’s cries behind her. She didn’t want to explain herself anymore, not in front of the rest of the idiots, not in front of Emma.

Regina smirked and looked up trying to discern a piece of the sky at the other side of the sea of greens and browns that filtered the light; the light  created a strange pattern of dots in the surface of the old logs and rotting plants of the floor of the woods that kept changing every hour, making almost impossible to know where someone was or what time it was.

Did she believe what Emma had said? She wanted to but found that she couldn’t.

She had been alone, completely alone for years. Every night, every day, remembering Daniel since his death. From that moment she had been unreachable to anyone. She may have had her heart still on her chest but she couldn’t feel anything with it either way. The hole the curse had put in it hadn’t been something so strange for her since she had lived more time that she should have had with the hole bleeding and making her bent in two every time she tried to think about Daniel.

And yet…. The sweet Daniel had asked her to love again, to be free of the weight his death had put on her shoulders. Did she really want to be free?

“Hey” A soft voice said at her back and Regina sighed, refusing to look at Emma or even acknowledge that the blonde woman was looking at her.

“Snow wanted to talk with you” Emma said after a few minutes in which the buzzing of mosquitoes and the wind blowing between the trees were the only thing that could be heard.

From where she was standing she saw how Regina’s shoulders moved, almost like a shrug, as the woman kept looking ahead, her face never meeting Emma’s searching eyes.

The blonde understood that Regina wanted time, she herself didn’t exactly know where her own admission had come from. She loved the woman, she had fallen in love with her somewhere between her travel to the enchanted forest and the moment she had looked at her while the brunette pleaded to be remembered as Regina.

She knew that everything with Regina was complicated, the woman was a mystery wrapped up in silence and Emma didn’t know how to start talking or even looking at her without starting a war.

But she was falling for her and she saw the woman Regina was, the woman that had decided to do many things that she still didn’t know about but was willing to listen to.

The woman that had loved and had lost and was now afraid of something that Emma couldn’t exactly see but knew it was there.

She had loved Neal longer that she should have; even after jail she still had felt her heart skipping a few beats every time a man that resembled him had looked at her in some random place in some random town. She had loved him even if the memory of him brought nothing but pain to her.

She knew it wasn’t the same, she knew that Regina’s story wasn’t hers but she could understand the feeling of clinging to something that didn’t need to be good but it was something easy to deal with.

Falling in love wasn’t easy at all and a part of Emma; the one who was starting to comprehend how the world in which she now lived worked, felt that she was a mere piece in someone else’s story.

“I told her that you wanted to be alone” The blonde finally said, not sure if she should go or just be there, standing a few inches away from Regina who was now hugging her midriff as if she was ready to be blown away by the wind.

“Then why are you here?” The brunette’s voice was hoarse, almost as if the woman as trying to put everything she had inside her throat, every feeling, every ounce of pain.

“Can’t I?” Emma asked, quietly moving a step closer.

Regina didn’t answer to that, too focused on keep even breaths as she tried to regain as much composure as she could.

“Do you really think that I am worthy?” She finally asked, raising her chin, her eyes were closed, the only thing she could feel was the limits of her body and the breeze that was now caressing her face.

The silence stretched until she heard Emma’s breathing somewhere at her back, the woman was still keeping her distance but Regina knew that if she turned she was going to look straight to Emma’s green eyes. The eyes that had held her in her place as the trigger trembled and burned between her hands, heat and magic hitting her.

“I think you are” Emma finally said, a splash of a smile lighting her words and Regina licked her lips, trying not to think in Daniel, or in fate because fate liked to play and Daniel was gone. Truly gone. “I think you are incredible, I also think that you are a woman that wants to be herself instead of what everyone believe or think she should be”

“Tell that to your mother” Regina whispered but when Emma chuckled she realized that she had been heard.

“That’s the other thing I said to her before leaving”

Regina turned and tried not to stare to Emma’s eyes, now a darker shade of green than usual or the way the blonde’s pale skin seemed to glow invitingly in the myriad of dots that were still illuminated the woods.

Trembling, she realized that they were alone, truly alone, neither Snow or David were there and the pirate and Gold’s son were either tearing each other throats or trying to understand the mechanics of how they needed to lace a shoe. Either way the woods were suddenly silent, the wind calm and the bugs completely still as both women looked at each other, their eyes burning and mouths twitching, trying to remember if they even were talking at all.

“What about the kiss?” Regina finally blurted out, her back tingling and her hands bundled in fists, the magic crackling inside of her as she looked at the blonde, pink lips barely parted as Emma stood in front of her, her machete hanging low from her right hand, muscles perfectly delineated by sweat and dirt.

Emma sighed, still remembering what Hook had shouted behind her when she had go after Regina.

“A mistake I made in the middle of a place I can’t fully comprehend”

“And then what is this Miss Swan? Another soon-to-be mistake?” Regina’s face was cold but Emma could see the fire dancing behind the brunette’s pupils, scorching, leaving blisters on her body as they bored two holes inside of her. The luscious lips of the former queen were trembling ever so slightly, making Emma want to blush and look away, ashamed of what had happened with Hook,of what had happened with Neal.

“You aren’t a mistake” She answered as calmly as she could “We are in the middle of something that isn’t exactly ideal but you, Regina, are a constant”

The rest of the words she wanted to say were lost in her lips when Regina too a step towards her, their bodies now a mere inch away, their breaths mixing as they both breathed, chests heaving as eyes locked into the other’s.

“A constant?” Regina whispered, not really sure of why she was doing what she was doing, why she was walking towards her fear instead of destroying it.

She was tired, so very tired that she didn’t want to fight anymore, not for now, not for that moment.

“You are Henry’s mother” The blonde finally admitted, a sour smile appearing on her lips, quickly fading away “As much as sometimes we would like to forget that we are linked by Henry it’s true. You have been a constant for the very first night I came to Storybrooke and you asked me who I was”

Emma looked down to Regina’s pupils, her tongue quickly licking her upper lip, the hand that was still clenching the machete gripping tightly the weapon, not really sure why she was doing this.

“You are a constant, now and then, and you will be a constant once this ends. And you will be a constant when another strange thing will happen and…” Exhaling a soft laugh Emma looked away for a second before returning back to Regina’s pupils.

“I don’t know what to think about that because I’m not very good at anything like this but with you, Regina, I always know that you will be worthy the fight.Whereas is between us or against something else. I know what you have”

“Evilness?” The brunette joked, her hands raising a little, almost touching Emma’s wrists.

“No, strength” Emma finished, a shy look on her eyes as she tried to not blush in front of the other woman.

“Strength?” Regina asked and her mind swirled, Daniel’s words repeating themselves over and over again inside her head. Daniel had asked her to love again, Daniel had knew because Daniel was the way fate had told her that she was prepared. She was a piece of its game and yet… the decision would be hers and hers alone. The decision to kiss, to fall, to merely be it needed to be made by her, not fate.

“I’m not really good at this” She finally said, realizing that Emma looked like she was  even closer than a few seconds before, the harsh lines of her body now fuzzed because of the proximity, the scent of the blonde woman mixing with hers, a layer of sweat and magic covering it just a little. “Falling I mean”

“We can to just jump and then worry together what we are doing” Emma replied, a soft smile that made her look younger, more naïve but strong, strong as the emeralds that now shone on her eyes as both of them breathed each other’s presence, warm hands starting to touch each other’s forearms, the naked ones of Emma’s, the clothed ones of Regina’s. Emma chuckled; even in that they were opposites and yet… it was easy, too easy to give in and as Regina’s heart fluttered on her chest, almost screaming for release Regina moved forward and, cupping Emma’s face with her right hand she pressed her bodies together, the other hand leaving indentations on Emma’s skin.

They had still time to say no, both of them, they could still say no and walk away, their lips hadn’t touched, their eyes were still bored in each other’s. They could say no, that was everything they could think about it knowing that the moment they decided to jump they were going to do it without the possibility of going back.

Their lips met halfway, Regina’s body molding against Emma’s as the blonde clenched her hands against the brunette’s arms, the weapon falling with a thud that neither of them heard, to caught up on each other’s scent, touch and taste. Their skin was hot, almost feverish as they kissed, quickly, sloppily, not wanting to stop, afraid that the moment they did that reality was going to crash the little bubble in where they were.

Emma bit Regina’s lip, her hands now tugging the brunette’s blue blazer, feeling cold digits doing the same with her tank top, her whole body asking, screaming for more. The taste of blood didn’ stop her nor Regina who, smiling against the blonde’s lips,  merely licked the blonde’s mouth clean, her own teeth nibbling Emma’s lower lip. Her hands went up, touching quivering muscles as Emma’s hands stilled and grabbed as much fabric as possible of Regina’s clothes, starting to consider the possibility of just tear them up.

“I’m in love with you” Regina whispered against open lips covered in saliva and hungry for more. The light was perfect, the silence a bless and as she opened her eyes and found Emma’s green looking at her in amazement she knew that she had indeed jumped.


End file.
